I don’t know what is wrong with me, if it is ADD or if it is some sort of insecurity? It is probably mostly based on some emotional stunted growth that has left me as mature as your average JR. higher. But whatever the reason is I honestly don’t see anything wrong with wanting to feel loved! I mean who doesn’t want that right?
I suppose the only thing wrong with my desire to be loved is how I go about it. I do this to my wife, but I have done it ever since we started dating. A brief history; the beginning of our relationship every so often I would work late in the warehouse alone. For whatever reason this frightened my girlfriend (now my wife) because of course I could die! Not that anyone has died at my work, that I know of, or even that I have ever had an accident there. But if I didn’t answer the phone or call her back it was not because I was busy, it was obviously because I was pinned under the wreckage of some freak forklift accident breathing my last breath and she would never see me again!
Now a days one of my favorite things to do is have a heart attack., if I am working under the kitchen sink and she walks by to see what I am doing of course my legs spasm and my arms fall limp and I’m dead! And so she will run over and shake me and cry out “ NO MY LOVE IS DEAD DON’T LEAVE ME SCOTTIE!!” and I laugh and wake up and she is visibly upset and she says “why do you do that?!” and my answer, “LOVE” she couldn’t tell me with words she loves me more than when I witness her reaction to my demise! Since I wont be able to see the day I die, not at least to see how everyone takes it. I want to know my widow will act appropriately! So to accomplish this I momentarily fake my own death. I have had heart attacks on the sofa while watching TV or in the back working on the yard. I suppose the fact that I am over weight makes it more believable to her that I could actually be having a heart attack at a moments notice! But still, come on, how many heart attacks can one guy have!? I told her recently that we need a safe word,( we choose “banana hammock”) a word I will say when I am really, really having a heart attack. so I wont end up like the proverbial boy who cried wolf, and no one believed him and he did die, not by heart attack though, he was eaten by wolves!
Now true, I am not a UFC fighter, this is obvious, what I am saying is that my stout little chubby legs probably would not snap off on most days of the week, weather I was kicking someones butt or not! 
